Happiness: Science or Mystery?

Yesterday I found the latest edition of Time Europe on the mailbox, together with the other mails and junks. Normally I would stare at politicians on the cover of the magz, may that be Bush, Saddam, or a bunch of significant others (yawn!) But this time, something else stared back at me... it was a big, yellow, round smily face on the cover! When mas Nuki handed it to me, I was completely ecstatic!

Yeah, finally... I could keep Time mag all for myself, and even made him promise not to take it to the loo with him in the morning :-D (yeah, yeah, marriage does entails sharing every single bits of our lifes, including... ahem, one activity not worth mentioning here... let's just skip that part).

So anyway, other than the eye-catching smiley, the headlines caught my attention: "The Science of Happiness". Well, let me tell you my friend, before I got caught up in this 'vicious circle' of school, thesis, internships, etc, I used to drag myself to the bookstore and purchase some psychologically-self-help books. Yes, I had a commitment (which now I realize to have abandoned for nearly 2 years now!) to read at least 3 pages of these motivational books a day, to keep my mind filled with encouraging, positive, happy thougts).

Then back to Time magazine again, I found several interesting articles there, including a piece of advice from researchers and happiness scientists (it's true! they do empirical research on happiness, including a professor from Erasmus Univ. Rotterdam Mr. Ruut Veenhoven ) which we can apply for our daily life. It's called the 8 Steps Towards a More Satisfying Life:
1) Count your blessings
We could do this by having a "gratitude journal" in which you write down 3 to 5 things you are thankful once a week. (I once read in a book that advised us to do so in a daily basis. I used to practice this too, each night - mentioning the trio-things I feel grateful about - just before I drift off to "dream land", also as a way to praise the Lord). I guess I'd prefer the daily praise rather than weekly.
2) Practice acts of kindness
Now it's about being kind and patient to others. I guess it's a bit dull and cliche, but then I'd like to add sincerity. Without being blatantly hypocrite, honestly sometimes I'd do something just for the sake of pleasing others, yet there's resentment inside. If we want to be happy, we should learn to say 'no' to do things that you resent of, but may please others (though not necessarily). Yet if you decide to do it, then you should do it with sincerity.
3) Savor life's joys.
This tip is good. It suggests to take "mental photographs" of pleasurable moments to review in less happy times. I realized that I may have undeliberately done this since I was young. Up to this day, I remember the time when I was in my late grandparents' house in Semarang. The rain had just stopped, and up to this day I can still picture in my mind; the smell of the crisp air, freshly damp ground, and the colour of the violet blue sky . It was a beautiful picture inside my mind. I was about 5 or 6, and it's nearly 20 years ago, but I keep this 'mental photo' with me wherever I go... Although I don't use this mental photo to uplift me when I'm sad, though. Just to remind me of the good nostalgic time with the people I loved...
4) Thank a mentor.
If there's someone whom you owe gratitude for guiding / supporting you at one of life's crossroads, don't wait to express your appreciation - in detail and, if possible, in person. Well I guess it's a good point. I guess I owe a friend of mine who had faith in me, and once told me that I'm more capable than I ever thought I am. I haven't got the chance to show my gratitude, perhaps I will someday. Then there's also what's refferred to as "gratitude visit". That means writing a testimonial thanking a teacher or anyone to whom you owe a debt of gratitude - or even better, visiting that person. Well now with Friendster, as I refer the 'Testimonial' as being in the funeral without being dead (because no one would bitch about you and everyone says all the good things about you - as if you were already dead), it helps a lot spill out your gratitude to the beloved ones.
But I think I still need to pay a gratitude visits though, maybe when I'm back in Indonesia, I'll visit my elementary school teachers... that sounds like fun! :-)
5) Learn to forgive
Let go of anger by writing a letter of forgiveness to a person who has hurt you, it will give you a peace of mind. Hmm... I gotta say, it's hard to do, isn't it? No, not the part of writing the letter, but to send it on the right time! Say, you had been hurt a week ago, and since you're mad and trying not to mention it, the next time you know it's already the next year! Well, it's just hypothetically speaking. Then when you write this letter, the person who hurt you has already got over it and when he / she read it, all the bad memories will come rushing back! Isn't that just plain mean, then?? Okay, one good solution: don't run from our problems! Face it, deal with it, and let go. Forgive and forget. Kiss and make up.
6) Invest time and energy in friends and family.
Check this out: "Where you live, how much money you make, job title, and even health have surprisingly small effects on your satisfaction with life. The biggest factor appears to be strong personal relationships". I would say I agree with that completely, no arguments shall be entertained.
7) Take care of your body
Yeah, another common advice: plenty of sleep, exercise, stretching (try yoga?), smiling and laughing to enhance mood in short term. I was thinking, how about rewarding ourselves a box of those luscious praline belgium chocolate? That'll work! Although it may will be "a minute on the lips, forever on the hips..." :-P
8) Develop strategies to cope with stress.
I like this point! It says, "There is no avoiding hard times. You have to believe that you'll get over it." And to my surprise, they wrote two of my favourite wisdom words which I used to wrote in my agenda when I was in college: "This too shall pass" and "That which doesn't kill you makes you stronger". I used those phrase to encourage me, especially dealing with the hardships of assignments, bachelor's thesis, and friendships. Phew... maybe I was mentally healthier back then than I am now. I've lost touch with all the positivity that I usually gained from those self-help books.

Now, I'd like to draw on conclusion after this exhaustive post on my weblog. There's a distinct line, to my believe, between joy and happiness. Joy is like the radiance of the last ray of the sun, in the process of disappearing. It's the feeling that dissolve inside your heart after a big accomplishment, such as the excitement when you read the letter that says the job is yours, winning a crown from a pageant, getting the first trophy on a speech contest. I think it's the icing on the cake, a 'fringe benefit' of life that we dwell in now.

Happiness is the gratitude we praise for each small, however unsignificant it may seem, such as the good-snuffly time we have with our spouses, the sound of music you hear on our headphones, the delicious food we ate for dinner, the warmth of our room when it's drizzling and stormy outside, the call we received from our mum back home that ensures us that she's healthy and well, the email we receive from our best friends that say how they missed us, the freshly-bloomed flower we bought from the market, the smell of our perfummes, the achievements we've accomplished in the past, the good plan we set tomorrow to visit other countries, all the unrevealed opportunities God bestows ahead of you.

Let's start be happy now. Let's delve in the moments of joy, happiness and be grateful of any small things that make us happy. Now that's what I call living the life as we should be. Life's too short, let's just stop sweating all the small stuff. :-)

(This piece is especially dedicated to my Dad who had taught me to pay 'gratitude visits' since I was young - despite all my prior resentments - , to be thankful to others who had taken a big role in shaping our lifes, and to remind me that it is important to make others happy with our presence. I'm learning, Dad... I hope one day I can achieve your state of wisdom).